In my years of existence, though I am blessed to educate, enjoy, travel, journey with myself, I still want something that would make me more happy to journey and face life. Despite of the uncertainties that happened before I reached the new me now, I still longed for someone's time, affection, and love to be mine even just for a second, an hour, a day, or a year.
It's very hard to continuously hoped for the thing which I know at first is impossible to have. I may smile like I am okay and happy but within the innermost of my being, I feel lost and misplaced. I may sound selfish at times because I want his presence here with me though it's quite impossible to happen. I want to experience how it is to be loved and cared by a man who became the reason of my being. Most of the time, or even often, I get jealous with those young ladies being hugged by their dear father. A father who is always there to listen, give advices, show care and love, and most especially protect his family as much as he could.
I know I am not blessed to have this man in my life and I know God planned me over this, but I am still thankful because I get to experience and become more strong without my real father. What hurts the most is, only I, who never stops on dreaming and wishing that one day he might realize my worth, my value, and my importance as a daughter. I believe he loves me but he's just afraid to show care to me.
Ever since I was young, I kept on believing that one day our paths will cross and that I will get to know him personally, hug him tight the way I want, spend time with him all day long, and be with him more than a second of my breathe but I failed and disappoint myself. He is just there but he never show me his care. I crossed miles away just to be able to get to where he is but it wasn't a good idea. We met but it seemed like it was just for the sake of having the chance to know his name, see his face, shake his hands, and know his still alive. I couldn't even get the answers of the doubts and questions here in my mind and in my heart. I really don't understand why he became my father by blood yet he seemed only to be a stranger for life.
I wish I could changed everything about me but I can't. I can't do anything to changed this destiny. I can't take away the pain I have in my heart caused by him. I can't please him to be with me everyday. It's hard but I know I should accept everything about him. Though my heart is dying every time I get to remember him, I know I should just pray that one day tears won't fall anymore from these two eyes of mine.
Life taught me lessons which are not taught in school. Life is never an easy thing to handle. In fact, I need to learn by my experience, smile when everything is going okay, cry when it feels like it really hurts and crying could at least lessen the pain, laugh when it's time to barely laugh and be happy, and enjoy when it's the only option for keeping a good memory after years.
Now, I am a little bit okay and simply just me. I did reinvent myself into someone far from who I was before. I did manage to laugh, smile, and enjoy with whatever life may offers on me because I believe I won't go far once I will continue to stick to those pains and disappointments of my past. I am free to face life's journey and I know my life never stops on a corner.
It's very hard to continuously hoped for the thing which I know at first is impossible to have. I may smile like I am okay and happy but within the innermost of my being, I feel lost and misplaced. I may sound selfish at times because I want his presence here with me though it's quite impossible to happen. I want to experience how it is to be loved and cared by a man who became the reason of my being. Most of the time, or even often, I get jealous with those young ladies being hugged by their dear father. A father who is always there to listen, give advices, show care and love, and most especially protect his family as much as he could.
I know I am not blessed to have this man in my life and I know God planned me over this, but I am still thankful because I get to experience and become more strong without my real father. What hurts the most is, only I, who never stops on dreaming and wishing that one day he might realize my worth, my value, and my importance as a daughter. I believe he loves me but he's just afraid to show care to me.
Ever since I was young, I kept on believing that one day our paths will cross and that I will get to know him personally, hug him tight the way I want, spend time with him all day long, and be with him more than a second of my breathe but I failed and disappoint myself. He is just there but he never show me his care. I crossed miles away just to be able to get to where he is but it wasn't a good idea. We met but it seemed like it was just for the sake of having the chance to know his name, see his face, shake his hands, and know his still alive. I couldn't even get the answers of the doubts and questions here in my mind and in my heart. I really don't understand why he became my father by blood yet he seemed only to be a stranger for life.
I wish I could changed everything about me but I can't. I can't do anything to changed this destiny. I can't take away the pain I have in my heart caused by him. I can't please him to be with me everyday. It's hard but I know I should accept everything about him. Though my heart is dying every time I get to remember him, I know I should just pray that one day tears won't fall anymore from these two eyes of mine.
Life taught me lessons which are not taught in school. Life is never an easy thing to handle. In fact, I need to learn by my experience, smile when everything is going okay, cry when it feels like it really hurts and crying could at least lessen the pain, laugh when it's time to barely laugh and be happy, and enjoy when it's the only option for keeping a good memory after years.
Now, I am a little bit okay and simply just me. I did reinvent myself into someone far from who I was before. I did manage to laugh, smile, and enjoy with whatever life may offers on me because I believe I won't go far once I will continue to stick to those pains and disappointments of my past. I am free to face life's journey and I know my life never stops on a corner.
very inspiring :) may the Lord bless you.
thanks sir..:)
I share the same sentiments, too. I guess acceptance is the only way for us to happily move on. :)
Yes, i think of it the same way too. It's quite difficult to carry the pain everyday but it's how life goes. Sometimes, we need to smile and be happy for us to be okay. :)